Torture...

...And when we say we are living in Medieval Times, we are not talking about the overly-hyped cutesy themed dinner theatre that Humans like to attend. In fact, we are talking about the heathen torture ritual that Humans like to subject their captive Canines to periodically, aka BATHTIME. This monumentally horrendous Event takes place approximately every 4 weeks, or 4 weeks too soon on puppy time. Now we (Teena and Caesar) will give you a few painful insights into this gruesome Pastime. Here I am, after diving (terrified) under the bed at the Lady's "BATHTIME, Teena!" call.

What possesses Humans to think that we dogs actually ENJOY much less TOLERATE being dragged kicking and howling from under our various hiding places, and being shoved mercilessly into the stone cold hard bathing block known as The Tub, and then patiently enduring endless tugging and harassing and scrubbing of areas that are better left to nature's whims, is beyond me... but They are obsessed with it!!

What makes this Abomination even worse is the sickly smelling concoctions that They spread thickly over our bodies, smothering our senses and causing stinging eyes and clogged up noses. A double whammy for Canines of overly-zealous owners is when they are lathered, flooded, and lathered again - with a second dose of poison cream. This one They call Conditioner. Not sure what it is supposed to condition us for, but whatever it is, must be extremely powerfully evil. For days on end we cannot smell our blessed glandular scents but only the cloying artificial perfumes of Humankind in our poor fur! It just makes you want to go wallow in something nice and delightfully dead smelling...to wipe out the memory.

And then The Shower- Oh the flooding, the dastardly horrib- okay well I guess we are exaggerating a bit here, both Caesar and I do enjoy the water sprays a little, if only for thirst-quenching purposes - but oh the torture of water bombarding our eyes and drowning our pitiful cries for mercy!!! And then They mock us by handing us bits of treats "for being such good little doggies" throughout the needless Ordeal.

The final blow to this outlandish Crime is The Towel - the rough, vigorous shaking and patting and rubbing that we receive from a heinous bludgeon of fabric. You don't wonder now, why we streak so madly out of the bathroom as soon as it is all over!!



So Humans, in the name of love for Canines everywhere - please get this memo - WE DON'T LIKE BATHTIME AND NEVER WILL - so cease and desist already!!!!